Mental health

Depression Invasion

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Depression invasion!

We had a wonderful day, went to sleep, and I woke up to a completely different husband.

It is only in the past few years that I truly understand that hubby has always been very very depressed. And depression sucks.

I thought it was me.

You see, in the past I used to blame myself. Since normal people do not just wake up in a hateful place for no reason, it had to be me, right?

I mean, I burnt the toast, didn't I?

And I forgot to take the butter out.

I didn't write down that ATM withdrawal and overdrew the account.

And my step-son freaked out and screamed for his mother all night.

So screaming, spitting, throwing, breaking, cursing, and then finally going to bed for a few days was an appropriate response, right?

My mother was bipolar, showing me both mania and deep, suicidal depression. I know not from appropriate responses.

And I would act out too, mind you. I screamed, broke things, cursed, and shook with anger. I often had a Bad Day.

I thought people were entitled to bad days.

About 10 years ago I started to work on myself. I kept journals, started a gratitude practice, and made a concerted effort to tell the truth always.

I dug for the positive, gave out lots of compliments, and started to forgive everyone, including my parents and myself.

I stopped holding grudges. I realized how much of my behavior was learned from my mother.

And I started to live a better life.

Suddenly I had more energy, now that I wasn't spending so much on anger, resentment, and grudges.

Suddenly I had more money, now that I was giving and spending appropriately and not either hording it or throwing is away.

Suddenly I had more opportunities, as my light grew and attracted others.

And suddenly, my marriage was better, as I forgave hubby and myself, stopped holding on to anger, and started telling the truth.

Hubby was still depressed.

Yup.

Not as angry, not as confrontational, but still depressed.

And even after we moved to NYC, with stable income, and he has written and published two books to some critical acclaim, he is still depressed.

Yesterday he was fine.

Truly! We took the ferry over to Governor's Island, explored Fort Jay and Castle William, had a picnic, got caught in a little rain, saw a huge hawk, and ordered sushi for dinner. A great day.

And he woke up this morning depressed.

Bad depressed. Like, "my life sucks and nothing matters and I hate my life" depressed. He is in bed as I type.

I feel like he has been invaded.

Today is a depression invasion!

How long will it last?

Who knows?

He will assure me that it is not my fault. And I know it isn't.

But it still sucks.

How Do You Feel?

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How do you feel? Your feelings are one of the things you can have more control over.

In yesterday's post I discussed how I try to give myself as much self-care as possible, especially when hubby is in the midst of a deep depression (like he is right now).

Remember that no matter what is going on at home, I still need to go out there five days a week and make my clients feel better and stronger. I can only do that when I am feeling OK.

Last night we slept in PJs for the first time in 21 years (yes, we are naked cuddle sleepers) and when I woke up he was on the couch. Now I am on the couch and he is... wait for it... in bed.

Today I did my morning self-Reiki, and then I will go for acupuncture, which makes everything better. And I will do some Pilates mat and maybe play with some new stuff. I will also continue to crochet my scarves that will be for sale at the Clara's Boutique at Real Pilates.

I could, at this point, just fall over crying. I could, at this point, be really really pissy and angry to everyone around me, including myself.

But I do know that, while hubby's depression isn't my fault, choosing to feel and behave badly would be my choice and my fault.

I choose to do everything in my power to feel good.

This was in my inbox this morning from Abraham-Hicks:

You see, you're giving others too much power as you even acknowledge how they make you feel. What you've got to decide is how I'm going to feel. We would go to a Virtual Reality and we would practice feeling good. Manifestations come on the heels of what you've conjured in thought.

It is perfect, isn't it? Love the synchronicity.

So, how do you feel?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Regions of the brain affected by PTSD and stress.

I hear a lot about Reiki and hynotherapy being used to treat PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. Even the US military has started promoting reiki as a calming treatment for veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts.

There are many simple stress-relieving tools that are known to work for a wide variety of PTSD symptoms, including fear, depression, violence, anger, insomnia, and inability to focus. While medications and other Western treatments can do a lot, there are so many tools like reiki that can help those with PTSD function and get along in the non-military world.

Andrew T. Austin is a UK-based therapist who is well known for his effective work with PTSD patients. Austin's focus is the real world, and what the best tools are that will help people function in that world. He focuses on IEMT (integral eye movement technique), which is highly effective after trauma, and can help with memories, nightmares, and other "mental movies" of the trauma.

His home study course and membership site have been successfully used by people all over the world. If you have PTSD, or have close friends or family who suffer, this material is really helpful and can be used in the privacy of your home.